


Breathing, Still

by oogaboogalamp2348



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Attempt at Humor, Diary, F/M, Fluff, Im lying its kind of angst as well, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Nostalgia, Sad, Teddy Lupin - Freeform, Time - Freeform, atyd, flufff, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 03:54:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29895216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oogaboogalamp2348/pseuds/oogaboogalamp2348
Summary: In 1996, Sirius started writing in a journal. He hated it.  His would've-been-godson is loving it, so far.A small, navy blue book was tucked inside the boxes, neat as could be. Giddy with curiosity, Teddy reached, and opened to the first page."Oh, buggering hell, if Moony ever finds this book, I'll have to seduce him to the Astronomy Tower with chocolate, and then shove him off, before the embarrassment kills me."___ALERT!!! HUGE Spoilers for All the Young Dudes (fanfic by MsKingBean89), as this one was inspired by it
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 4





	Breathing, Still

**Author's Note:**

> ALERT!!! SPOILERS for All the Young Dudes, as this one was inspired by the fic
> 
> Basically, y'all remember that one specific excerpt from the extras of ATYD where Grant gives Teddy the keys to Remus and Sirius' old apartment? I'd like to think Teddy would've found this diary while looking around!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading this!  
> MsKingBean89 should be protected btw.
> 
> Trigger warnings for:  
> \- Internalized homophobia  
> \- Mentions of past abuse

" _Yours is the first face that I saw,_

_I think I was blind before I met you._

_Now I don't know where I am, I don't know where I've been..._

_But I know where I want to go"_

* * *

August 12th, 2014.

The dust had barely settled on the old picture frames and records by the time Teddy had found what he was searching for. They sat, musty and cold and thumbed with finger prints, upon the worn-out carpet of Number 12 Grimmauld Place. Teddy, for Helga's sake, could not wait any longer. 

The book had been tucked away neatly in the corner of the one of the boxes, when he and Harry had first entered the apartment and searched the place. Old, and worn, and cold from the garage where it'd been stored, Teddy had sought it right after he and Harry had apparated all boxes home. He'd beamed at Harry once more.

"Thanks, Harry! You're a lifesaver."

"That, I am." Harry had smiled, eyes warm and tired. He had hurriedly checked the time. "Teddy, it's reaching close to evening. I've gotta see the kiddos, before Ginny kicks my arse. 'Think I'll leave the sorting to you." Harry was looking everywhere but Teddy's eyes. Outside, Teddy could hear the wind howling. It was clearly going to rain.

"Okay. Yeah, right."

"Tell me if you find anything that caught your eye, eh? Didn't know Prof- your dad could've held so many secrets from us." Harry smiled oddly. He was clearly uncomfortable.

Teddy had nodded once more. "Right. Will see you if I find anything cool!"

Finding the diary again was not so easy. It was tucked away in the second last box he reopened, like a small, ominous secret. With navy blue covering, and swirly grey designs etched onto the spine, Teddy shoved all thoughts of photos, frames, and smiling faces aside and flipped to the first page. In dark, blotchy ink, an impossibly posh cursive handwriting wrote:

" _If Moony ever finds this book, I'm going to have to seduce him-_ -"

Teddy snapped the book shut, hard, then winced. Right, his dad was queer. Who was Moony, again? Oh, right, Remus Lupin's nickname, on the Marauders Map. So this must've been Sirius Black's diary?! Teddy opened the book again.

" _If Moony ever finds this book, I'm going to have to seduce him to the Astronomy tower with chocolate, and then shove him right off it. Can't have the git alive and aware that this catastrophe exists_ _._ "

Teddy smiled to himself, and settled above on the couch. Tentatively, he opened to the book again.

_March 13th, 1976._

_Bloody fucking hell. Honestly, that's all I can say._

_Hopefully the charms I set on this book thing are strong enough to keep Prongs off my arse._ (Teddy took an embarrassingly long time mulling over Herbology notes in his head, trying to remember what the buggering hell a "Prongs" was, before recalling the nickname)

_Admittedly, I've been avoiding him. Remus, that is. For Godric's sake, why am I clarifying this?! WHY AM I EVEN WRITING THIS DOWN! I HATE WRITING._

_Okay, well, I need to be more open with myself. Oh, buggering hell, I'll have to forget all this after I write it down, too, won't I?! Before Mum comes snooping in my head again. That bitch, honestly! Always prodding "Toujours pur!". Oh, well, I'm disowned anyways._ (Teddy shouldn't have been so surprised, but he still was. When he'd ask his Gran, whose name was more known as Andromeda Black, about the Black family, she would always have one syllable on the tip of her tongue. 'Cruel' She'd say, and then grow uncharacteristically quiet. Teddy knew better than to ask, nowadays. His curiosity tended to hurt those around him.)

_Alright. Let's get this straight:_

_\- Remus fucking Lupin kissed me_

_\- I kissed him back ~~(obviously)~~_

_\- I'm dating Mary_

_\- It was nice. I liked it._

_\- But he is a bloke._

_\- And I'm not queer?!_ (Teddy frowned at this. He obviously had no business, snooping in Harry's deceased godfather's, Sirius Black's, diary, but it was obvious that Black was probably a dense idiot. Comically enough, Teddy worried for his father.)

 _I guess I'm okay with Remus being queer, though. But is he even? Hell, we were both out of it, drunk and all, and it's ok! He can be whoever he wants. I feel a little bit sad, though, it was his first kiss, and I might've ruined it!_ (Wait, so it wasn't Grant?! Teddy felt he was walking on a thread of magic, in a Confundus charm; lost to his own confusion.) _I guess the worst of it is over, though. Remus has been quiet about it, so I'm guess we both are being quiet about it. Think I should give him space? That's what James is always saying._

 _I guess I'll entertain the thought of Moony in these pages. Not like there's much to write about in my own life. I'm worried, a little, if I'm being honest. After fourth year, I'd reckoned we'd never be close again, and for good reason! I was a bloody disaster, complete_ bastard _for what I'd done. And now... What if he's mad at me again?! Perhaps Remus would rather we just forget, but you can't exactly forget the feeling of your best friend's lips on you!_ (Teddy was surely more than grossed out at this. This was his _Dad_ for Helga's sake!) _I guess it was just strange. I'd never thought of the idea of snogging blokes. Feels odd to admit it, but, frankly, I don't want to even think about the prospect of it. Things have always been different with Moony, I guess. But maybe not._

 _Oh, bloody Christ, I think James is coming back from Quidditch practice soon. I'll see you later, dear ol'_ _book-thing. I think Mary called you a dairy, but that's a bloody terrible name._

_Talk soon!_

Teddy relished in staring at the page a little longer, and then closed the book, clutching it close in a deep, deep breath. This book was going to be so much, he thought. So, so much. Teddy glanced back at the pictures and frames on the carpet. Gran wouldn't be mad with the mess, but he ought've clean somethings around the house, for her and Effy.

He would come back to Sirius Black's diary later.

**Author's Note:**

> Song quoted: The First Day of My Life by Bright Eyes
> 
> Thank you so much for reading this! Leave any constructive criticism below if ya want ta! I love y'all. Take care of yourself, today!
> 
> Love y'all. Be happy, stay safe. Peace.


End file.
